So I just rediscovered I have this blog... its been 4 years since my first post and wow has a lot changed.. and then again a lot hasn't...
I read my past posts and first thought "wow that was one messed up sad strange girl" and I laughed at her comments about who she was with, because let me tell you, she was very very very wrong! And then I also realized how similar me and that past girl still are in ways, in ways that I do not like...
So i suppose this is when i give you a summary of all that has happened in the past four year... but i feel you might barf from the drama and movie like scripting of it all... so to say the least--i hurt myself, was hurt by others, made some huge choices and nobody should ever have to make, and then in the end of it all fell in love with my best friend--see i warned you it would be dramatic and sappy.. :)
in less than 8 weeks i marry my best friend and i couldn't be more excited or more terrified and feeling helpless and horribly wrong for him... but yet he reassures me its right... hmm sounds familiar, hopefully in 4 years i wont read this one and laugh again....
so my goal is to restart writing on here, but dont hold your breath, i may not return again for a long time.. i guess you will just have to wait and see...
signing out..
heavy as a feather, with rain in my heart <3
Heavy as a Feather
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
im sorry
what is wrong with me today? ok not just today but expecially today? i am beyond paranoid about losing you and not being by your side
i think im driving you crazy
it isnt fair to the way i am
even me writing this isnt fair to you
i am so two faced and messed up
and yet you hate when i say that so i again am hurting you
you want to be with me and refuse to walk away, which i love you for, but i sometimes think you WOULD be better off without me
i am readin way too much into everything you say and its hurting you, though you will never admit it
all i can say is i am sorry, but you question my reasoning for being so.. and then i dont answer cuz you wont agree
i know we are ment to be
but maybe we doesnt include me for your sake
i love you!
heavy as a feather♥ light as a brick in a sea
i think im driving you crazy
it isnt fair to the way i am
even me writing this isnt fair to you
i am so two faced and messed up
and yet you hate when i say that so i again am hurting you
you want to be with me and refuse to walk away, which i love you for, but i sometimes think you WOULD be better off without me
i am readin way too much into everything you say and its hurting you, though you will never admit it
all i can say is i am sorry, but you question my reasoning for being so.. and then i dont answer cuz you wont agree
i know we are ment to be
but maybe we doesnt include me for your sake
i love you!
heavy as a feather♥ light as a brick in a sea
humans
humans can be sick disgusting ugly creatures, they can become consumed by the power they are able to hold over others...
take for instance an fairly innocent girl who in her middle school years was far too trusting of said humans... in turn she was touched in ways she wishes so deeply that she hadnt been.. she finally stops having to deal with these people... then one sudden day in her final hell of a year in high school she stands at her locker, getting her coat when she hears a fimiliar nasty laugh and a hand that is harsh upon her body, as the same fingure as before looms over her, the laugh spreads through the entire male group as they pass, she shutters and turns.. locking eyes with the looming figure, his eyes burn into hers and tear her apart slowly, knowing the power he has on her... she quickly looks away as tears fill her eyes and slams her locker shut and runs for refuge at her piano...
why do people have to be so cruel? does it really feel all that great to have the power to terrify another? does it really make you feel whole to tear someone apart with their own thoughts?
sometimes i wonder what it is that you seen in me...
"to trust is to commit assisted suicide of the brain and heart"
Heavy as a Feather♥ with a flittering heart
take for instance an fairly innocent girl who in her middle school years was far too trusting of said humans... in turn she was touched in ways she wishes so deeply that she hadnt been.. she finally stops having to deal with these people... then one sudden day in her final hell of a year in high school she stands at her locker, getting her coat when she hears a fimiliar nasty laugh and a hand that is harsh upon her body, as the same fingure as before looms over her, the laugh spreads through the entire male group as they pass, she shutters and turns.. locking eyes with the looming figure, his eyes burn into hers and tear her apart slowly, knowing the power he has on her... she quickly looks away as tears fill her eyes and slams her locker shut and runs for refuge at her piano...
why do people have to be so cruel? does it really feel all that great to have the power to terrify another? does it really make you feel whole to tear someone apart with their own thoughts?
sometimes i wonder what it is that you seen in me...
"to trust is to commit assisted suicide of the brain and heart"
Heavy as a Feather♥ with a flittering heart
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Bursting Hello
ello world
so i guess this would be the point at which i introduce myself, tell you a little bit about me and expect you to be interested or at least be kind enough to fake an interest...if i were to tell you about meself i might begin with something like... i am that girl who nobody seems to notice but who notices everyone and who never really minds being the back stage worker, the girl who doesnt need the spotlight, or even really any recognition when she helps someone, the girl whose smile supposedly brightens even the darkest room and whose giggle rings like a little bell, but if you had asked me to talk about myself that way about 5 months ago, i would have laughed in your face and blushed and tried to convince you of otherwise... hmm on second thought i think ill skip this part... now is the part where i become all gushy and lovestruck and tell you that i have found the love of my life and am slowly being taught by him that happy ending dont only happen in hollywood... but i dont want to make you barf, at least not quite yet!
o and this would be the part where my mom comes home and i havent done my dishes yet so ill close this window and pretend i was doing homework!
"love is friendship on fire!"
Heavy as a Feather♥
so i guess this would be the point at which i introduce myself, tell you a little bit about me and expect you to be interested or at least be kind enough to fake an interest...if i were to tell you about meself i might begin with something like... i am that girl who nobody seems to notice but who notices everyone and who never really minds being the back stage worker, the girl who doesnt need the spotlight, or even really any recognition when she helps someone, the girl whose smile supposedly brightens even the darkest room and whose giggle rings like a little bell, but if you had asked me to talk about myself that way about 5 months ago, i would have laughed in your face and blushed and tried to convince you of otherwise... hmm on second thought i think ill skip this part... now is the part where i become all gushy and lovestruck and tell you that i have found the love of my life and am slowly being taught by him that happy ending dont only happen in hollywood... but i dont want to make you barf, at least not quite yet!
o and this would be the part where my mom comes home and i havent done my dishes yet so ill close this window and pretend i was doing homework!
"love is friendship on fire!"
Heavy as a Feather♥
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